The January Project 2007

Sunday, December 31, 2006


former st. louis cardinals’ shortstop gary templeton once said about the all star game
“if ain’t starting i ain’t departing,”
so i skip among the bowl games today


i like to read the obituaries
especially the new york times’ ones
which are so laden in minutiae
you find out so much about people you already know so much about,
like president ford,
being buried today,
i knew he played college football at michigan,
but didn’t know that he started on a two-time national champion there
was mvp his senior year
and offered tryouts for the green bay packers and detroit lions


at nan’s girl musician night at cakeshop
before i sat down to work the door for the night
i walked right up to sam and matt
whose ladies were on the bill
and resumed a conversation from an earlier event,
excluding your lady, who would you like to be with who’s playing tonight,
i figured they’d lean toward the politeness of picking each other’s mates,
but instead tonight they were aw-shucksing it to no-answerland,
me? i’m not sure,
but i do know that i fell in love with this peculiar pair of black shorts
that lisa li-lund was wearing.


the local tv newscasts teased
of a big star dying on broadway
but instead of some beloved actor
it was vincent sardi, jr.,
owner of the legendary restaurant sardi’s,
home to all those star caricatures


at ian’s reading at peacesmiths
we’re watching the openers from the back of the room
and as i look about the crowd and participants
i tell him that this may be one of the first room’s i’ve been in in awhile
where i’m not the craziest.


cowboy’s quarterback tony romo
mishandled the snap in the final seconds
so no field goal
and yes elimination from the playoffs,
but he’s dating carrie underwood,
and was dating jessica simpson.


won’t you come and shake my hand bill belichik
even though i’m not on yr team,
we once were friends though you say we never were
don’t you miss me anymore.


there’s a mysterious gas over new york city
and patti smith has finally made the rock and roll hall of fame
but the two are not connected
at all.


when the past is just the past
mark mcgwire
then you’re not going to make the baseball hall of fame
you needed 409 votes
but only got 128
it’s time to talk about the steroids
exhibit some contrition
or say hello to pete rose
in absentia


i want to coach the new york giants
say that 1 o’clock means five of one
and if you’re not at the meeting
by five of one
fine you for being late.

i want to coach the new york giants
guiding you for three years
to a 25-23 record
just two games over .500
and get a year’s extension to boot


first therapy since november
the diabetes-scare-folks’-house-relocation over
what do you answer when she asks “what’s new?”
when you almost could’ve died last month?
“not much, same old.”


even the it boy
has to stop being it sometime.


peyton manning he throws touchdowns
that’s what peyton manning does
except peyton manning doesn’t throw touchdowns today
but the ex-pat, the ex-patriot
clutch kicker adam vinatieri
he scores all of the colts points
kicking five field goals
and now his new team may face his old team
to go to the super bowl


as hard as i root for my teams
is as hard as i root against bill belichik
because it’s always that time,
after bill parcells resigned as jets head coach,
and bill belichik ws named the new jets coach the next day,
and then the day after that,
bill belichik hands the team a napkin
“I resign as HC of the NYJ,”
head coach of the new york jets, that is,
and now his childishness
refusing to shake hands after a game with the jets coach
who was a longtime belichik disciple.
but belichik’s patriots win today,
and i hate him a bit more today.


it’s an awards show night for me again
the golden globes this time around
and i do what i do each of these times
calls to my sister
and calls from my sister
as we comment on it all.


i did not benny parsons
the nascar legend
back when he was a driver
i was young and i watched baseball
and sometimes i’d lay on my belly in the street
and shoot candle-wax filled milkcaps
but i never would watch cars running ovals around a track.
by the time that i got older
you were an announcer
and your folksy charm was one of the reasons i stayed tuned in.
and though i didn’t know you,
didn’t know you benny parsons,
it was sad to see your name across the espn ticker,
nascar’s benny parsons dead at 65.


a brother and sister from washington state
she’s 19 and he’s three years younger
audition for american idol in seattle
and both get put through to hollywood
write down her name in my memo pad
so i can google image search her tomorrow


george on grey’s anatomy said,
“i don’t know how to exist in a world where my dad doesn’t.”


checking the channel guide for something to watch
see there’s 30 minutes to go in hoosiers,
30 of the best minutes ever to end a movie,
and of course i cry multiple times,
it’s the end of hoosiers.


two years before she hopes to be inaugurated
hillary clinton declares her candidacy for president.
i guess this was part of the pact with bill—
fuck around all you want,
just stick around so i have a mate,
an ex-president mate
to show off when i run for president.


my powerbook has finally fully died
after a week of seeing only the top third of my screen
now even an external monitor won’t help
but maybe in the next world
maybe in the next world


have i told you how much i like tv?
i mean, really, really, really like tv.
today it’s bravo’s all-day studio 60 marathon
and then at 10 o’clock tonight
their first episode of the new year.
such a very good day.


and wait,
gilmore girls and veronica mars are back tonight
after time off for the holidays,
It’s the very best night on television
and this comes from someone who likes tv,
really, really, really likes tv.


so it’s once a day i get to check my email
so i wait until around 10:00 p.m.
to ask my roommate if i can borrow his computer
and he says yes,
to leave it on the kitchen table when i’m done
he’s going to bed.
so nice to check my email,
and visit you o internet
so nice.


i stop at my local library
across from the chelsea hotel,
and sit down at the computer sign-up computer
and then the librarian tells me i need a name and a password,
and then i sit back down and make an appointment
and am able to get a 35-minute one for right then
and then i log in
and a big clock appears
counting down my 35 minutes
as i buzz through email after email.
when i’m done with all i need to do
before i head out to get my blood checked
i go to schedule an appointment for this afternoon
but it won’t let me
so i check with the librarian.
“no, i’m sorry,” she says,
“you can only use the computers once a day.”


get a phone call this morning from a technician at tekserve
“do you want the new hard drive to be a secondary hard drive?”
“i was told by you guys that my hard drive was dead
and that i needed a new hard drive put in, so this would be that.”
“i checked your hard drive, and it’s fine.
i’ll run it through some more tests and call you back.”
a few hours later he calls me,
and my hard drive is fine,
so $215 is coming back my way
and so is my old/new computer.
thank you quentin,
thank you.


get a phone call from my niece michelle
the youngest at 13, the one who calls most
telling me her and her dad just saw a matinee of avenue q
and then were going to see wicked that night.
i did some quick calculations,
that’s like $400 worth of broadway tickets.
i’m thinking i’d like my parents to be getting divorced.


after a night away at my friend’s
my old/new computer is back
with everything on it that i need
except everything from my old email program,
25,000 sent and received emails, gone
my 600-plus email address book, too.


after over eight months fighting
its preakness stakes’ right hind leg injury
barbaro was put down
after having experienced a turn for the better
that left all its fans optimistic,
it suffered a turn for the worst and then
barbaro was put down,
it was said that the medical community
has learned a great deal from this
about how to extend horse’s lives
who suffer from a similar injury though
barbaro was put down.


kobe wasn’t happy that the nba suspended him
from his one trip to madison square garden to play the knicks tonight
but that’s what happens kobe
when you don’t follow-through with yr hand in front of you
instead of to the side
scraping someone’s face.


please people
when you send out an email
so we’ll see you read or play music
don’t put it in the third person
or i’ll be making fun of you
and watching tv that night instead.